We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
