There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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