can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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