she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
