fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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