I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
