i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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