his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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