Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
