why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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