I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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