Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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