I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
