yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
