Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
