Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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