Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
