i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize