I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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