I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
