You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
