ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I bet he comes in French.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize