i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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