the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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