I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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