Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
