i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
