it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
