It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
