I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
