sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
