When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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