Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
