I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
