I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
