I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
