If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
