I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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