I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
