All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize