Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
