handjob tips. give me some.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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