Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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