yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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