I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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