Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
