I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
