I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
