Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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