did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
