He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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