mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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