I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
