yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
