I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he high fived his dick after we had sex
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
