Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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