whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize