dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
