hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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