I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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