This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
