I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
