I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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