this beer tastes like vomit already
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
