We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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